A Dead Language

When you finally ask

I’m not sure what I’ll say

I used to think,

I used to know

That I would always say yes

But this day unfolded

Into something so unpredictable

So I take this chance

To embrace lovelessness.

I am an admirer of love

Love has my admiration.

But my soul, perhaps not ready

For its simple abandonment

Because love makes you realize

The useless quality of almost everything else

You know as happiness

It is greatness

But such an untrue has left me wasted

Put off by a love

I only momentarily tasted

It is your sentiment

That makes you whole.

But it still infuriates

And climbs towards

A piece of nothing

That never did exist

If existence is for you

Then wait patiently

Wait for a day when fate will come

To lead you from despair.

Outside a wilderness

Where you will never linger

You will hardly be aware

So I kiss you and your fear

Because my loneliness

Is close enough to hear

Random voices, hidden noises.

It makes me jealous just to watch

Maybe because I am so uninspired

My life so undesired by me

 

But I find moments of peace

When my mind is calm and the day so less dreary.

I marvel at my good fortune,

And I do nothing to think twice

About the stretch of life that lies before me.

Of which I have no certain past.

 

What is known is that I have love and I have life.

Well enough.

If I could just love life.

If I could just know life well enough.

I’d want to shake its hand and introduce myself

As a promising prospect.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Suddenly, I’ve dropped to my knees

Crouching and waiting

For a long time

So I build

On every ounce of growing worry

And every pound of diminishing wealth

Truth is, I’m devilishly clever

Most will never know my greed

I cross boundaries

Even when my hands are tied

And my hair is wet

I’ve learned to come into my own these days

Even when life is unfaithful

I continually wander

Like any other I still crash and burn

Again and Again

Even at my lowest, I still discover things

Mysteriously, I creep and crawl

Deliriously I stumble and fall

I regain, I still recover

I find a joy in me

Uncharted it’s been deserted and unfound

My heart rejoicing

Even in the un-devoted and unsound

By Jennifer Barajas

Shall sweet spite find its vitality in me?

It seems there is never a moment

That isn’t diminished by a kind of anguish

Until I come upon him

Still, it will be a great distance to find him

To unearth his center

His middle, where he comes together

Where I find him browsing through my thoughts

Stumbling upon instances of joy

In its moments of purity

Even his slightest touch

Will make me human again

And not concerned at all

With the over blossomed life of sorrow

Not troubled at all with what

Does not admire the sweet spring

Something peaceful as eternity and

Faithful as the sky among unknown clouds.

Familiar and absolute.

There could be a destiny for us.

If it wasn’t for uncertainty.

If it wasn’t for a broken shame.

That whispers and then begs your name.

I thought I could keep us beating.

I, alone.

Alone I do not work.

So greatness has been lost.

Then again anything worth loving is worth losing.

Because you never really lose it.

So maybe it’s all worthwhile.

By: Jennifer Barajas

Oh what could be and what has been

In streams of noiseless worry,

You derive pleasure from earthly things.

Encapsulated in fervor,

Far from the sort of madness

That makes foolish men grow.

How well you resist temptation,

How easily you say no.

 

Only God could release your burdens

And the memories that weigh heavily

On your sense of self worth

Frequently you beg to differ

The questions I put at arm’s length

You have no answers to give,

In short you lack the strength

To be my one and only

True and everything.

By Jennifer Barajas

A day away from the beginning of my life,

Which has not been fully lived.

A day away from my happiest moment,

Or maybe my proudest year.

A day away from the love I never met

And never truly had.

A day away from your sweet kiss

Maybe from my own eternal bliss

A day away from a future still untold.

But my head has gone foolish

And my heart- gone cold.

By Jennifer Barajas

I have lost you so suddenly

I need to catch my breath

For a moment, you were all.

There was never a dull moment,

In that strength I’ll call love.

There was always a way in

You made your own way out.

The smallest thread could pull me apart

And I am unraveling in your arms.

Little but you.

Softly but you.

But you, but you.

So here I go,

Only a few steps astray,

From the love I’ve lost

And the life you gave away.

By Jennifer Barajas